Most of the time, whether it was a volunteer position or a job, I would start to question what I was doing and start looking for something new and what I thought was “better” a little before I had been there 2 years. I felt that I wasn’t doing “enough.”
And not the kind of enough where I didn’t feel like I was enough, I just felt, especially as a Christian, I could be doing more. Along with my type 2 personality according to the Enneagram test (“helper”), my visionary and dreamer personality makes this difficult as well.
When I became a mother, this became even harder because obviously I can’t run out 3 times a week and volunteer or get a new job without having to use day-care. And I believe this is a good thing. I believe God knows me, deeply, and knows how to teach me to stop looking for “more” and instead look at my life—the current situation I am in—and invest, deeply.
Don’t get me wrong, I still question and dream. The other evening, I was just telling Jeremy I felt like I could do more, volunteer or get another job now that Eleanor is older (or move away or do something “BIG” with our lives, whatever that means).
But my current season of life draws me back into the truth. Like last night, for example, Eleanor threw up on and off from 11:30 PM to 4:30 AM. The night before, I had planned to wake up at 5, do my bible study, go to the gym by 6 AM and meet my dear friend Robi at 9 AM.
Alas because of getting no sleep, I didn’t do any of these things, but felt content knowing that in my main role in life, mother, I was doing exactly what I needed to do – comfort Eleanor in her sickness, wash the muck off of her, nurse her, clean the sheets every time she vomited and rock her again.
Sometimes we are called to “big” things like starting churches or moving towns, changing careers, doing a program or selling all of our possessions and giving money to the poor.
But most of the time, God is calling you, and calling me, to take a look at where you are at right now…are you investing deeply into the people right in front of you? Are you doing the job that you have right now well? Are you making an effort to serve the people who live in your neighborhood? Are you loving your kids and family?
My job and calling right now, in this season of life, is to care for my daughter, love my husband, invest in our community, serve youth who are homeless downtown and be the best support as a doula to labor mother’s as I can be.
That is big and good and life-changing, overtime. And that is what I’m called to.